- Thread starter Babylon.
- Start date
- Feb 16, 2022
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Took me a moment to realise that was Catalina without her curly locks
- Jun 13, 2022
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- Jul 16, 2021
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- Mar 25, 2021
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Hmm, this game sounds interesting. I'll download and add it to my list and try it when I get time.
- Jul 16, 2021
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My impressions: it's interesting, and interestingly different. I largely like the characters (Celeste is great), and the visuals. Story - hard to say at this point, but no 'red flags'.
But, of course, there's some things to nag about.
A few lines seems to be bugged - they are just automatically skipped, too fast to read (for example when first arriving at your new home - if that's done deliberately it's not nearly obvious enough). In contrast, a few lines are chopped up too much, requiring too many clicks for no real reason.
I don't mind using real photo backgrounds, but in some the perspective and size are way off. The garage scene for example (I'd also maybe consider using a simple filter to make it a bit more consistent with the characters, but that's not nearly as relevant as the characters looking like they're 75cms tall in front of a car that must be 15m wide ^^).
Lastly, for the writing ... too much time spend wallowing inside the protagonist's head. Get's too Internet-edgelord-y instead of feeling genuine or like a real conflict. Stuff like in the beginning not showing the dad, and then deliberately pointing that out by the Dad making you look at him - that's great. But after that just endlessly meandering again and again for nothing but internal thoughts gets dull very quickly.
Brevity is the soul of wit and all that. Show, don't tell? Short and sweet? Well. In any case, I'm borderline convinced if you cut most of those scenes and chop the rest down to 20% of what they are it'd be a better, more crisp experience and you'd lose nothing in terms of context and characterization.
But obviously, that's just my opinion. ^^
But, of course, there's some things to nag about.
A few lines seems to be bugged - they are just automatically skipped, too fast to read (for example when first arriving at your new home - if that's done deliberately it's not nearly obvious enough). In contrast, a few lines are chopped up too much, requiring too many clicks for no real reason.
I don't mind using real photo backgrounds, but in some the perspective and size are way off. The garage scene for example (I'd also maybe consider using a simple filter to make it a bit more consistent with the characters, but that's not nearly as relevant as the characters looking like they're 75cms tall in front of a car that must be 15m wide ^^).
Lastly, for the writing ... too much time spend wallowing inside the protagonist's head. Get's too Internet-edgelord-y instead of feeling genuine or like a real conflict. Stuff like in the beginning not showing the dad, and then deliberately pointing that out by the Dad making you look at him - that's great. But after that just endlessly meandering again and again for nothing but internal thoughts gets dull very quickly.
Brevity is the soul of wit and all that. Show, don't tell? Short and sweet? Well. In any case, I'm borderline convinced if you cut most of those scenes and chop the rest down to 20% of what they are it'd be a better, more crisp experience and you'd lose nothing in terms of context and characterization.
But obviously, that's just my opinion. ^^
i can't say that i'm surprised that the segmented text would be a gripe for you, considering the fact that the text speed was a deal breaker, but that's something i'm just not willing to compromise on.
i'm not satisfied with the use of punctuation alone to generate emphasis and establish pacing, so i intertwine the way i intend certain statements to read, with the way the statements are coded, and where i am able, i bring the music and sound into that dynamic as well. it's a multi-media platform after all.
where the scaling of the backgrounds are concerned, i've gotten better at that, though that has yet to be seen by the public.
regarding the time spent in the mc's mind, i regret to inform you that there's more where that came from.
i've heard this criticism before, and i've chewed on it a good bit for like a month now, and this is where i'm at:
your mc starts as a reclusive, introverted person who only pretends he's willing to talk to anybody; a stark contrast to the horny mc that goes out of his way to chat up girls and whatnot. he doesn't show any interest in other people at all, unless it's transactional and necessary. he's envious, selfish and spiteful. you could see the voice in his head tell him to "guard up" or "be on his best behavior" or "act like you've been here before", mentally preparing him to "put on a face", but you and i know that he doesn't have one. he's an untrusting individual and a skeptic, so he talks to, and confides in, himself for just about everything. naturally, he doesn't have nearly as much to say to other people. when he's frustrated, conflicted, panicked or confused, the first person he goes to is "nothing"
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i haven't told anyone this, but i've shown it. he's brief with others and descriptive with himself, he hides his face and keeps secrets. mc isn't "short and sweet", he's burdensome and bitter. he doesn't have to remain that way, but i'd lose all that characterization if he started as someone who's thoughts could just shut up. if i cut those scenes and chop down the rest to about 20%, there'd be nothing here but a quiet, creepy, faceless dude that has nothing to say.
If that is what you took from the criticism then to me you've misunderstood my critique.
It's not about who he is, or how he deals with that. It's about how it's portrayed. It's not the idea, it's the execution.
But okay, you seem to disagree regarding -
which is the actual point (even if that specifically was of course a bit simplified).
To me, moodily staring into a window with a quick back-and-forth of maybe 3-10 sharp lines achieves the same characterization as 50 lines of words that just bleed into each other do.
Dismissing an actual person/character will take maybe 3 lines, but is way more significant and effective in portrayal towards the player than mumbling to yourself in your room for 17 paragraphs filled with nothing.
You wouldn't portray him sitting through an entire class at uni, would you? We can understand/infer that he's attending classes nonetheless. I mean, that's kinda the art, isn't it? I've seen you previously reference Katawa Shoujo. Then I'd remind you what that manages with a rather lean script that relies very little on a narrator but otherwise especially develops as characters interact in dialogue
But eh, it's writing. You've spend a lot of time on this; I've played through it in 30 minutes and then wrote my impression the next day. There's a difference in investment there, first of all, and in knowledge of the script and its goal, obviously. ^^
Also, irrelevant, but since you make a reference to this; he's not that unique for a porn protagonist, by my measure.
Depending on how broadly I'd define the categories, I'd even say that sort of main character is probably the 3rd most popular after the "generic porn protagonist" and "alpha male" stereotypes. Including the feeling of unfairness being done to him (in this case esp. regarding the university). Io and behold, it's an archetype resonating with introverted porn creators and players, not least because it's also very, very popular with light novel/isekai stories that are often an inspiration ...
man i'm trying to have an actual conversation but this, along w your cheeky lil wink, just adds a certain tinge of facetiousness to all this that urges me to wash my hands of this already.
i would if it's relevant. also, katawa shojou's script is thick as hell, are you sure that's the example you're looking for? the game reads like a book quite frequently with an mc that lingers on his thoughts pretty often. maybe not as often as my mc does, but katawa shojou was never a story about mental illness.
i'm really not sure if you're actively trying to patronize me or not at this point.especially develops as characters interact in dialogue
we're not there yet. refer to what mc said in his last dream sequence. i know, he knows, i've let it be known that we know, but like i jus said, he starts off wanting nothing to do with anyone.
you're right, this is irrelevant
you didn't needa write this out to check my ego. i said he's a stark contrast/totally opposite to the horny mc, not that he is unique or special in any way. i didn't use that verbiage, make that implication or emphasize that point in any way and your wrote a paragraph about it. there is no way that you read this comment back to yourself and thought "this is helpful and productive".
by no means do i wanna hear exclusively from "yes men", but ts is not helpful at all i ain't gon lie to you
it was just exhausting enough to make me wanna log off tho, so good on you man frfr
- Jun 26, 2018
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I guess this confirms that I can proceed to avoid the game.she'd sooner kill mc than share him
the typical avn enjoyer likes to have their cake, and eat it too, but i plan on making your choices lead to real consequences that could potentially ruin relationships entirely. this isn't the "people pleasing" kind of game, i don't intend to put together something like that, despite the fact that it would most definitely perform better lol
i want this story to be one that makes you push pause to take a step back and think about what just happened. glad to see you're rockin the fan sig (credits to penumbral the goat). keep an eye out for the update, yeah?
